To Play or Not to Play: That is the Fight
Recently, we have been observing more fights over extracurricular activities for children. Sometimes, we are asked, “What are extracurricular activities, and do I have to approve each and every one that my child does?”
This is a good question and is really two questions in one.
What Are Extracurricular Activities?
In a simple explanation, extracurricular activities include anything your child does outside of normal school hours. Extracurricular activities may include arts, athletics, clubs, employment, personal commitments, and other pursuits.
These activities can be a program or sport sponsored by the child’s school or school district, offered through community education, or provided by a private studio, dance school, or instructor. Extracurricular activities can also include tutoring for assistance in classes that your child may be struggling with.
Often, I am asked the follow-up question of why extracurricular activities are important. The answer for each client depends on their child and the child’s unique pursuits.
Sometimes, the child is highly talented in music or the arts, and the parents have historically supported the pursuit from a young age. The child may be interested in developing a skill or talent. It may simply be a way the child socializes with classmates and friends outside of the classroom.
The reasons why a child should or should not participate are as unique as each child in the world.
Do Parents Have to Approve Every Activity?
The next question about approving every extracurricular activity a child does is another one that depends on the circumstances.
We often inquire about how many extracurricular activities a child is doing per semester. Having been a mother of children who participated in extracurriculars ranging from marching band, dance, sports, church activities, summer camps, theater, driver’s education, and after-school clubs such as chess club or Spanish Club, I understand how busy children’s lives can become and how these activities can intrude upon family time and homework.
But each child who participated in an extracurricular activity learned life lessons that could not be learned in a traditional classroom.
For instance, children who participated in sports learned how to deal with competition, cheating, and recovering from losing a game. Children who participated in activities involving the arts learned about the dedication and time it takes to improve a talent, skill, or passion. Others simply had fun socializing with their friends. Some children were able to list their extracurricular activities on college applications.
Setting Guidelines for Participation
Guidelines for approving activities were often known from the moment the child started participating. There were rules set early on that required the child to meet certain expectations in order to continue participation when it came time to renew.
As far as intruding on family time, it happened. However, it was a sacrifice I chose to make as a parent because I knew the alternative was not the life I wanted for my children.
Extracurricular activities kept the children busy and off the streets unsupervised, where their own choices, lacking experience and wisdom, could get them into trouble.
From working after school, the children began learning about the importance of a job, managing money, and saving for what they wanted. All of the extracurricular activities helped develop the children into who they are today.
Having the Conversation With the Other Parent
Whether your child participates in extracurricular activities, and which ones, is a conversation that you need to have with the other parent and your child.
Ask why the child wants to do the activity. Work together to set boundaries for participating.
For instance, I required my children to actively participate throughout the duration of the activity or risk the opportunity to do others. When the children were in high school and able to work, I required them to contribute toward the cost, especially when I realized that the child may not be appreciative of what it took to participate.
The child had the choice to participate again the following season or year. It was not something I mandated outside of completing their commitment, even if they grew to hate it.
Discussing Cost and Commitment
What worked for my family and children may not work in every family. It needs to be a family discussion, and parents need to agree on how many activities per semester or quarter a child may do.
The finances also need to be discussed. I know firsthand how expensive dance and acting lessons can be, and the cost may be prohibitive to some families.
Speaking of cost, that is another important conversation to have. How will divorced or unmarried parents share in the cost of extracurricular activities? Are there opportunities for a parent to volunteer to reduce the financial cost? If so, which parent will volunteer, and how will their effort be accounted for?
Reach Agreements Before Conflict Escalates
If your child wants to do extracurricular activities, have a discussion with the child and the other parent. Reach agreements on what will and may happen. Determine the limitations.
It is easier than filing a motion to have a third party determine what your child can do after school is over.
Contact Us
If you are in a disagreement with your child’s mother or father about participation in extracurricular activities that you cannot resolve on your own, call us today for assistance. We may offer insights you have not thought of or can assist you in presenting your case to the judge.
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