School is out and chances are your kids are looking forward to a lot of sun, swimming, and zero homework. You may not be looking forward to summer, however, because without the schedule of school, your co-parenting arrangements may need to change or at least be altered temporarily. How do you handle vacations? Camp? Here are some tips on effectively co-parenting this summer.

1) Plan and plan. Summer camps start filling up in early spring, so this is a great time to sit down with your co-parent or mediator and devise a summer schedule. Figure out your vacation plans now‚ even if it is just to set aside a week or two on the calendar, and ask your co-parent to do the same. Depending upon how old your children are and their interests, you should also work out what exactly they’re going to be doing over the summer. Even doing nothing requires planning since they still need to have a place and a person with them while they are doing nothing. Again, get with your co-parent and figure out who will have the kids and when. If your parenting agreement states that one parent gets the kids for the entire summer, there still may be some flexibility in terms of getting a little time in with them.

2) Ask the kids what they want. If the children are old enough, ask them what their preference is for the summer. Ideally, this should not be an open-ended question but more of a list of choices and let them choose. Of course, the older the child, the more independent they may be, so this may not be as much of an issue.

3) Go in together on cost. Kids are expensive and a lot of that comes from activities, swim lessons, camps, and vacations. If you can, work out with your co-parent who will pick up what so that no one parent is spending a fortune without the other pitching in. Of course, this may already be spelled out in your parenting agreement in which case, go back and confirm that it is still a good distribution of financial responsibility.

4) Go with the flow. Co-parenting is as much about give and take as any other relationship. If your co-parent is dying to take the kids to Disney on a particular date and you were thinking about something else for them, be flexible and consider giving up your date so they can go. It’s also important to take into consideration that your kids are already having some adjustment issues due to school being over and they may not be seeing their friends as often. Take this into account as well as another reason to be flexible.

5) Don’t overdo it. If your co-parent is determined to take the kids to Paris, try not to take them to Rome too. Most divorced couples don’t have this problem, either from a financial perspective or an emotional one, but the desire may be there just the same to out-do the other parent in terms of showing the kids a good time. As always, this time is not about the parents, it’s about the children. They want to spend meaningful time with their parent, not watch an escalation of old battles and jealousies.

If you have questions about your co-parenting agreement, especially as it relates to the summer time, we are ready to help you understand your rights and craft an agreement that works for you and your co-parent. Contact us today to get started.

~Originally Posted in July 2017~

Divorce is hard for all parties involved, but particularly so for children of the marriage. So, when parents are separating and trying to work out visitation plans for the children to still be able to have access to both parents, there are a few factors that should be taken into account to make the transition easier for the children.

1) Consider school or summer schedules.

The school calendar is not flexible, so the visitation plan must necessarily become flexible to accommodate it. Summer schedules can be looser, especially if the children are not enrolled in any formal camp or other activities. Either way, it is essential for parents to work out details such as where the children will be spending school nights, who will be picking them up from school or the bus stop, who will be dropping them off, etc. Since school may represent the one constant in their life when everything else is changing, it is vitally important to make sure their access to school and their friends is maintained.

2) Negotiate holidays.

This has the potential to be a minefield, particularly if big family gatherings are the norm. However, it is still possible to craft something that honors this tradition and accommodates the new reality. Consider alternating holidays (one parent gets Thanksgiving, one gets Christmas) or, if you are on good enough terms with the other parent, sharing the time with the child. Some of this may also be determined by work schedules of the parents, particularly if one parent does shift work or is otherwise away for holidays. In this case, alternative arrangements should be made to accommodate that parent and give them the opportunity to have a holiday as well with the child.

3) Review work schedules.

Just as school schedules are fixed, so often are parent work schedules. Both parents should review their work schedules and identify any flexibilities so as to be able to allow both parents to have the maximum amount of time with each parent. Maybe a parent can take advantage of a telework option a few days a week so they can have the flexibility to pick up the child from school. Perhaps another parent can try to get moved from the night shift to the day shift.

4) Allow for other forms of visitation.

In this day and age, it is almost effortless to get in touch with someone who is not in the same room as you are. Parents should consider being able to contact their children via phone, Skype, or some other app outside of their physical visitation time. This may be particularly helpful to parents who have to travel often or are unable to host the child often.

5) Consider other factors.

A small child will have different needs from both parents than a teenager just as an elementary school-aged child will be different that one in middle school. It is important to take the age factor into account when determining visitation, particularly for older children who may have extracurricular activities that they are involved in. Other factors to consider include how far apart the parents live, and other children that either parent may have at any given time.

Creating a successful visitation plan is not easy, but with skilled, sympathetic counsel like Melissa Pearce on your side, it can be a little less daunting. Contact us today to get started.

~Originally Posted in April 2017~

If you are getting divorced, you may assume that you will automatically receive or be paying alimony, commonly referred to as spousal support in Michigan.

​​Not quite.

Alimony is enshrouded in several myths and misconceptions. This article takes a close look at some of the most common fallacies and the actual facts behind each one. When you understand how the rules of alimony do and do not work, you can prepare for the best possible outcome for yourself and your family.

Myth: Alimony is Automatic

While alimony can be part of a divorce process, it is not automatically included. Whether or not it is awarded depends on a variety of factors, and if the judge decides that it is called for, how much you get depends on variables such as income, assets, standard of living, and contributions toward the marriage.

Myth: Only Men Pay Alimony

A surprising number of people assume that only husbands pay alimony, and only wives receive it. At one time that may have been the rule of thumb, but today alimony is based on which spouse is earning more, not their gender.

Myth: You have a Right to Alimony

Alimony is different from child support in that there is no automatic right to receive it. While parents have a moral and legal obligation to support their children, a former spouse is a different story. The court takes several factors into account to determine if you qualify for alimony, and how much you receive (as well as for how long) will depend according to your own situation. Michigan has no formula for calculating alimony amounts.

Myth: Alimony is Forever

Alimony is rarely an indefinite process. While permanent spousal support is sometimes ordered if one spouse is disabled or has devoted themselves to being a homemaker and therefore has no career skills, most alimony orders have a time limit. To decide the duration of alimony, judges consider factors such as the duration of the marriage, each party’s needs and circumstances, and the likelihood of the recipient spouse to become self-supporting.

If you are getting divorced and wondering how the alimony process works in Michigan, contact Melissa Pearce & Associates, PLC today. We will meet with you to discuss your specific situation and give you a reliable idea of what to expect, so that your life after divorce can be reasonably anticipated from a financial perspective.

~Originally Posted in March 2017~

Marriage can be difficult in ways you may not have anticipated when you first said ‘I do’. The situation is compounded by the reality that there is no universal formula for a happy relationship or road-map we can use to successfully navigate through the difficult times. While some couples eventually move past periods of turmoil, others wonder whether or not divorce is the solution.

It’s a question that only you can answer. Divorce is a highly personal decision and only you can truly know what the best move is for your circumstances. But unless there are urgent reasons for leaving your spouse, such as domestic violence, it’s generally advisable that you ask yourself the following four questions and provide honest answers.

Do I want a divorce or simply a happier marriage?

The answer to this one is especially important, as there’s a huge difference between a marriage that’s simply unhappy and one that’s irreparably broken. Some couples contemplate divorce when all they really need is marriage and or personal counselling to assist them with serious relationship challenges.

Do I have unfairly high expectations for marriage?

While there’s no reason why you should tolerate shabby treatment or disrespect, it’s a good idea to ask yourself whether your expectations are unreasonably high. Do you expect your spouse to read your mind and tell when you’re unhappy? Should you share your priorities 100% of the time? Should you always agree on financial matters? These aren’t necessarily irreconcilable differences: even the happiest couples are not always on the same page.

Have I taken an honest look at my own role in the problem?

No one is perfect, so we all contribute to our own problems to a certain extent. Maybe we’re quick to lose our temper when things go wrong or, conversely, shy away from speaking up until we reach a boiling point. Perhaps we’re dismissive of any perspectives or opinions we don’t share. While you are not responsible for your spouse’s actions, you are responsible for yours.

Do I still love my spouse?

Everyday stresses and challenges associated with marriage can cause some of us to lose sight of the love we originally had for our spouse. While love doesn’t cure all, it can be the foundation for getting the help needed to repair your marriage.

If you decide in the end that divorce is the best option, your next step should be to contact an experienced divorce attorney in your local area. If you reside in Southeast Michigan, call Melissa Pearce & Associates, PLC for advice and assistance. We will provide legal guidance and representation throughout the divorce and any post-settlement modifications that may be required, so that you can move on toward a happier and more fulfilled future.

~Originally posted in February 2017~