Tag: dating violence

Teen Dating Violence: Signs to Look For in Your Teen

Posted on by Melissa Pearce

As a parent and a grandparent, I am concerned about the increasing news about teen dating violence. This was not a topic that was talked about when I was growing up or when my own children were dating. But it is a topic that a parent of a teen needs to be aware and understand what some of the warning signs may be. A search on the internet turned up a lot of articles about teen dating violence and some of those articles were drawing links between teen dating violence and the increase in school shootings. As a parent, we need to know what our children’s world is like as it is not the same world that we grew up in.

The first thing to understand about teen dating violence is what it is and how common is it. This is a growing problem in the United States and about one-third of all teens involved in a romantic violence will experience abuse of some kind. [1] As parents, we need to think beyond the first images of abuse. Abuse is more than just physical violence. It includes sexual abuse and emotional abuse, which is the hardest to detect.  In July 2011, a study conducted by Priscilla Offenhauer and Alice Buchalter on teen violence stated that emotional abuse is the most common form with 76% of teen reporting teen dating violence.[2]

Since emotional abuse is the most common form of teen dating violence, as parents, we need to understand what it is and how to recognize some warning signs. Emotional abuse is “form of controlling behavior that involves subjecting another person to behavior that causes a diminished ‘sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth.’”[3] Emotional abuse includes isolation, verbal abuse, and embarrassment. It is easy a parent to discount emotional abuse as a just part of growing up or the way people get along, but the psychological effects of emotional abuse can cause as much damage as physical abuse.

There are warning signs that a parent should be able to recognize if a teen is experiencing teen dating violence. The signs include withdrawing interest from ordinary activities, unexpected or unexplained mood swings, demonstrated fear of upsetting their partner, reluctance to do any activity without their partner in fear of retribution, or self-harming or suicidal behaviors. If you recognize some of these signs or other behavior changes in your teen, then set aside to talk with them. Understand that if your teen has a strained relationship with you as a parent, your teen may not be willing to speak about the difficulties in the dating relationship. If this is the case, ask a family member or friend to speak with your teen. As a parent, you should convey to your teen that you are concerned for their safety, both physically and emotionally.

If your teen has been involved in a relationship with teen dating violence and you are not sure where to turn or how to help your teen, go to www.teendvmonth.org/resources/. If you need legal assistance, call us today for a compassionate team to help both you and your teen take control back.

[1] “Most Teens Suffer Emotional Abuse in Their Relationships”, https://www.teendvmonth.org/teens-suffer-emotional-abuse-relationships/ accessed 2/21/2019 written May 30, 2018

[2] Priscilla Offenhauer, Alice Buchalter; Teen Dating Violence: A Literature Review and Annotated Bibliography  https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/grants/235368.pdf accessed 2/21/2019

[3] Most Teens Suffer

Domestic Violence in Teens

Posted on by Melissa Pearce

February is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness month. According to the Domestic Violence Awareness Project, approximately 1.5 million teens experience physical abuse from a dating partner. As parents, educating our teenagers about what is domestic violence is a conversation that needs to happen just as much as we need to talk about birth control. As parents, both conversations are uncomfortable, but they are necessary conversations to protect our children.

In order to educate your teenager about domestic violence, you need to understand what it is. As a young child, I lived in a home where domestic violence was a frequent occurrence. However, I was taught that it was only abuse if someone was being physically hit or attack. But that is not the only type of domestic violence, and it took a long time for me to understand what the forms are. It was only after I reported my ex-husband after he hit me for the first time that I realized domestic violence is more than physical violence. I learned that I do not have to be hit for a spouse or someone I am dating to be abusive.

Domestic violence or abuse is a pattern of coercive, controlling behavior. It is when one person in a relationship is exerting power and control over the other person. Domestic violence takes many forms: physical, emotional, economic, stalking and harassment, and sexual.

Emotional abuse is a behavior that one partner uses to control the other or to damage their emotional well-being. It can be verbal or non-verbal. Some forms of emotional abuse include name-calling, yelling in your face, telling you what to do or where you can go, and placing little value on what you have to say. Emotional abuse can also include putting you down in front of other people or saying negative things about your friends and family. Often the abuser will blame the abused partner for their actions. When phone calls, texts or computer use is monitored or control, this is another form of emotional abuse.

If you do not know how to start the conversation with your teen about domestic violence, start with emotional abuse. Discuss what it is and how valuable your teen is. Let them know that no one, even someone they care about and are dating, should be using any form of emotional abuse against them. Be willing to have an open and honest discussion with your teen. This may include listening to your teen identify some of these behaviors in you or your spouse or significant other. Reiterate that the goal of these behaviors is to control another person or damage their self-esteem. Encourage your teen to come to you, if they are questioning this type of behavior in someone that she or he is dating. Discuss with your teen what steps can be taken to address this behavior before it escalates. This may include breaking up with the person if the behavior continues.

If steps you have taken as a family to end a relationship have not worked, call Melissa Pearce & Associates today at (248) 329-0344 to speak with our team on what you can do next to protect your teenager.